Sunday, April 3, 2011

going down the slippery slope.. IVF?

First of all, let me declare - I have nothing against IVF. It is a choice that people make, but it a choice that I always thought will never be mine.

I have always preferred adoption. When there are millions and millions of children in the world requiring a better home and love from a family, why should I spend thousands of $$$$ to go through the trauma, just to create my own progeny, my Mini Me?  In a funny way, I don't see myself  as having genes that are special enough. I almost have a Darwinian mindset at times, survival of the fittest. If I can't have a baby, then perhaps I should get the message that my genes are not meant to be passed down. Period.   If only that is so simple.

I don't feel that special. My other half is special to me, but is he really really special? That is when the guilt kicks in. If only he found another woman whose genes could have been passed down, he would have passed on his genes too! But he chose me. You can argue lack of foresight in choosing a mate as a fatal blow to his chances - he doesn't deserve to get his genes passed on either, but then again, is this stupidity on his part or loyalty and love?

After a few days of not thinking or doing anything about baby making - the sight of japanese kids looking for their parents depressed me, I went to google "fertility clinic" and    taaa daaa saw a long long list!  ARGC in London is the one that I found most impressive! The statistics page (http://www.argc.co.uk/statistics.html) really made me feel like "what are you waiting for!!!", but the prices... sigh.

Last night, I showed hubby the "price" page: http://www.argc.co.uk/prices.html
'His response was, "We should try harder for a while more. Let's see what the doc says. I don't think we have that kind of money to spend. "

I agree....that kind of money is enough to set up a very comfortable room for a child, and provide a child with a home with us.

Then again.. you will never know. The wonders of biology. My urge to pass on my genes may obliterate the belief I had for the past 30 years or so! The next thing I know, I might be hunting for the best fertility specialist in town.