Back again .. and will be DELETING SPAM comments!

I had a terrible year in 2012.

Everything had to come to a temporary halt - attempts to lose weight, TTC and of course blogging. Now things are improving, hopefully I am back on my plans again!

In the past year, the blog had been untended, and had somehow became a spam target!
- Online casinos
- "making real money online"
- website services
- Websites for impotency etc...

blah blah blah blah
- the first two category is definitely OUT. I hit the delete button as soon as I see it! Please, have some respect to other people's blog.  It is just not on to spam my comments, especially on "who are the celebrities with PCOS" page, which had more than 50 genuine comments from real woman, sharing their experiences. Which idiot think it is ok to post your online casino page here?!!

- those impotency and websites.. Well impotency is a real medical condition, and maybe of relevance to some of the women who visit this site. However, if you try to sell snake oil for impotency, I will hit the DELETE button on your comments too!!

- Website services... that is a difficult one, especially if the comment sounds relevant. Spammers are getting quite slick these days. However, I still delete, if I see that this is done by some "professionals".

Stigma against childlessness

Some of us want to have children, but not able to or have never found the right person to have. Some of us never wanted children. Still, we are childless.

Have you ever feel that is something against you? That there is a stigma against childlessness?

From my personal experience and what I have read, this is what you might be experiencing, if you are childless:

• In your late twenties, you are expected to 'work on it'. Otherwise you are just some selfish creature who put your own needs above that of others. You can't commit. Probably immature, but there is some hope for you. People let you off.
• In your early thirties, your career status plays a big part on how your "situation" is "interpreted", "analysed", "contextualised".  Damned if you are successful ("self-centred career woman") and if you are not "successful" (i.e. important sounding job or making big bucks) , your partner and you have probably not got it yet. Anyway, time is running out. Employers may watch you - "high maternity leave risk". 
• In your late thirties, it is official. You don't want kids. Selfish people. You just don't get it, what it is like to be a parent. Parents have responsibilities  need work life balance, should be understood if they need to take time off, can't stay late etc. the last sentence sounds like a rant or a discrimination against mum in the work place isn't it? Turn that around a bit and it is what you get, childless, in an work environment with mostly women with kids.
• In your forties, hmmm I haven't reach there yet, but I remember how some of my teachers were interpreted. That was of course, a long time ago, but I remember strict childless teachers were seen as "mean", "cos they don't like kids".  As an adult, I see difficult women managers branded as all sorts if they are single or childless, but viewed more sympathetically ( at least by the women who are mothers). I have seen examples of very similar style of managing, but one woman got away with it much easily - because she is "understanding" about having kids. Of course she understands, she goes home early, and push the work to people without kids ( who happened to be minorities in  that office!)

In the work place, while the many companies try to talk about supporting "families" and "work life balance" (well, at least on paper or on their PR website), it may be a raw year for the single and childless. Heard of these?

• Need the late shift? Sorry, Johnny's nanny need to leave at six and his daddy is not in. Could you stay?
• Annual leave during school holidays? We need to take turns yeah? We still need some cover in August (or summer, or any nice time of the year), any volunteers to stay behind. Then you get the "I do love to but the kids...", and if you are not careful, if will start to look "mean" that you have not "volunteered".
• The work days between Christmas and new year (and this is my personal experience). "Urgent work is needed", but really, that could actually wait till 2nd January if everyone comes back at that time . Guess who don't have kids who will get disappointed?  The three of us, childless thirties and forties, even though we were not the "main" people on the project. The project manager was off skiing with her kids, who had been looking forward to the trip!
• Taking time one or two days a month, at about the same time? IVF? TTC?  Speculations! Peopl will watch for the bump or expect mood swings!

Any surprise that studies show our health may not be that great? http://jezebel.com/5862634/stigma-against-childlessness-could-hurt-womens-health. The stigma for voluntary childlessness is high, and the BBC has some interesting report http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-10786279 about women who are childless voluntarily ( aka they choose not to have children).   Just look at those comments! For me, it is a matter of I didn't have the chance when I could and now I am having difficulties. But whatever the reason for childlessness, it is nothing to do with anyone else. Society should just stop looking at this as some sort of anomaly.

Fell off the cliff...

Without wanting to go into details when it is all still quite raw,  I would just note here that I ' fell off the cliff' in a big  way.

Diet, exercise, ttc plans were completely out of the window. My weight rebounded, that is for sure.  I have no idea how heavy I am now.

I am just starting to pick up the pieces, moving on, and feel that managing my weight and trying for a baby should be back on my mind again.

15th october 2012 is a restart day. Gosh it had been six long years since the blog was started, with nothing to show. I hope things will work from here, and that I will be an 'inspiration' one day with a "success" story. That weight thing got to be done, and the baby will hopefully come along with all the hard work we put in.

If it doesn't let this post be a reminder ( in case someone want to tell me that I should have started a family earlier) that I love kids, my hubby loves kids. I spent years working with children with hard life stories to tell, and we have always known that we will love any kid as our own very easily. We knew the infertility risk in our early twenties, but wasn't in a position to have kids or at least, I felt uncomfortable at that time given what I saw happening almost on a daily basis with "my kids".  Unhappy kids break my heart.

We do what we can humanly do, and let nature takes its course. I do wish to see our " product" the combination of our genes produced. But hey, if that doesn't happen, I won't let the failure to have my own blind me to the beauty of others, that thousands of children in this world are in need of a loving home, loving parents, or even a lovely dog.