Dukan Diet Day 5

I begin to feel the effect of lack of carbs...

Sugar free cordial drinks had been a life saving elixir for the past few days. I craved for sugary stuff, and at times, I can feel that my mind won't rest until I get a taste of sweetness. This is really unusual as I usually don't really crave for sweet things ( if I have any cravings, it is usually for peanuts!)

Today, it seems like I can no longer trick my body that effectively with sugar free cordial drinks! I need quiet a few glasses before "calming down". Can't seem to get my mind off carbs, cakes etc.  It is funny this is happening, but I managed to stick to the protein!

Two more day of proteins, and I will be able to add vegetables. I am doing a prolonged attack phase because there is a lot I need to lose! 

Bright skies? A fresh look

I saw this under the "design" tab, and liked the look of it. I remember choosing a pink background, thinking this is the place where I do my girly moan and groan about PCOS. Somehow, I seemed to have moved on a bit, or may be it is the spring! Need to remind myself weight loss season is here!

PCOS or not, life needs to be enjoyed ( in between those bad Saturdays where cheesecakes meet Xenical and metformin).

p/s: I just noticed that you can "vote" the post as "interesting"?! I justed voted for myself ... hehehe

Lets fight the fats!!!!

I found a really great blog  called "becoming obesity's worse nightmare!" That is so inspirational - I can see shed loads of determination there! I like the photos of those numbers on the scale between nicely painted toes  :) I dont think that I can do it. I have really ugly toes. 

That inspired me to immediately do a stock take of what I have done since 1st January, and what I continue to do:

Since 1st January:

1. get off the train one station earlier  on the way to work
2.  walk to the further train station, if I am not too tired by the time I go home
3.  substitute more pasta/noodles meals with konyaku/shirataki noodles! These noodles helped lose 1kg this winter, instead of gaining the typical 3-7kg!!!
4.  Only eat things that are really delicious, especially if it is "bad". No more cheap cakes and chocolates
5. Two size 14 trousers joined the "being worn" category. These replaced  2 pieces of  totally worn out size 16 trousers (ie there are holes there). They started off really tight and ugly, but a good reminded to stay away from biscuits and cookies in the office!
6. Started metformin

Continued from last year

1.  Xenical - no longer needed daily, since I am mostly "good". Only take when eating out (and suffered the consequences)
2. Walk, walk walk.. whenever there is an opportunity, I walk.
3. Ensure there is at least an "active day" a week - be it some time in the gym, or a few hours spent window shopping
4. Water... & fruit teas, avoiding juices 
5. Increased salads, reduced carbs!
6. TOTALLY refuse to purchase even 1 more piece of size 16. Size 16 is obese for my height. If I remain on this size, I might as well get naked or lose those bits.

Metformin makes me look pregnant

.. not just pregnant, but very pregnant. In fact I look more pregnant that my 6 month pregnant colleague. The first day started off with really bad diarrhoea, and now I am still having this terrible bloating, and nausea.

I need to convince myself to stick to it. It is probably my best bet before starting other options.  Of all the treatments available, this is the one that works on insulin resistance, the root of the problem. Hopefully this will balance out the hormones and make weight loss possible.

I hear the loud "tick tock tick tock" and I know I have to "up my game".  I will have to bear with the lousy side effects. The most difficult part is telling people why I have diarrhoea and bloating, and getting the concerned look from my colleagues.  There is no way I can tell them I am on metformin and I hate evading the questions or telling some little lies there. Sigh....

Xenical Day 7

When I see cakes and yummy pasta dripping in olive oil, my imagination goes wild. 


I see oily stool, leaking oil which stains my panty liners ( eeewww totally disgusting) in my mind. I hear myself farting and my stomach rumbling from the gases.  My stomach feels bloated, and I feel like vomiting from that bloating stomach. 


This is the psychological damage from Xenical? Yay!!!!

Xenical Day 2: the psychological trauma

I  have also quite reluctantly started Xenical (orlistat). I am using the full prescription dose of 120 mg capsuloes instead of those you can get over the counter. It works out to be much cheaper per mg of the drug!

I don't think this drug will help me to reach my target weight at all. But the very unpleasant side effects ( I get totally nasty, embarrassing side effects of oily leaking out and diarrhoea if I eat oily things) will hopefully stop me from eating anything with high fat content. That is the purpose of the drug for me, and I have been told to take it everyday, instead of only after fatty meals to get this preventative benefit.

So, yesterday I took a capsule about 1 hour after lunch ( taken it the afternoon, I save some money since covers both my lunch and dinner! Genius)  I knew I was going to take the capsule after lunch, and had painstakingly chosen low fat options for lunch. I gave the cakes a miss.  For dinner, I was dragged into a very good pizzeria by friends, and there was lashings of olive oil in my pizza! 

I paid for it later that night. I was so bloated (another side effect), and I had oil in my stool ( that is another word for shit).  This morning, I keep going to the toilet (another side effect if you take oily food).  I am so bloated, I can hardly take any lunch!

Horrible? Yes. Totally horrible.  Am I taking it again today? Yes!!! Anything with fat looks totally unappetizing now. Cakes turn me off. Those (fatless) konyaku noodles look delicious.

Who are you going to compare yourself against, huh???

Thanks for your comments in my post about celebrities with PCOS. 

Perhaps we should think whether it is fair and sensible to set a standard of what is "normal" and what is not for women with PCOS?

PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a syndrome. That is what it is. It is a "collection" of signs and symptoms, and different women may experience different signs and symptoms of PCOS. On the more extreme end, you probably have everything "listed". I have almost everything now. Does that make me the "perfect" PCOS woman? Are you going to aim to have all my symptoms to be properly PCOS-ed? I did not have all these symptoms last time....and you don't have to have all of them to join the Victoria Beckam club.

My weight was normal when my periods became irregular. Within two years, my weight crept up really quickly and weight control became a big struggle. (In other words, stop telling me I made myself fat and therefore I deserve this PCOS, ok??)


Someone pointed out that  losing weight can be done, and she did it! The rest of us should stop our excuses. 


Right, sometimes I do use that as a convenient "excuse", especially when my weight remains the same after weeks of hard work and watching everything I eat carefully. How else am I going to cope with that?


Just because you could do it, it does not mean others can achieve the same results doing exactly the same as you did. Also, not everyone has the same amount of "resources" to lose weight! For a start, I have no soda or junk food to cut out from my diet - honest. The gym had been too expensive for me. Going low carb and high protein? Fine. How many people can afford another piece of pure lean chicken breast to replace that piece of bread or potato in these trying economic times?


Before I had PCOS, I had put on weight when I had injuries, but those would go off with "sensible diets" and exercise. I am not kidding or finding excuses when I say I find it hard now. I don't deny that I am faultless. It is just more difficult - you have to be even more disciplined and watch what you eat even more mercilessly. I have to keep on reducing my intake and keep on increasing my exercise and watch for the "occasional slip-ups". There are more cravings to fight. It is not an impossible job, but it is a big struggle. It is like climbing up a slippery slope - you have to hang on and keep moving or you will go straight down. See what I mean?

Even when my periods were irregular, my scans showed all the cysts and I ballooned; I still did not have the hair problem. I only began to notice more hair growth some time after that, but my doctors would still dismiss them simply because many other "normal" women are more hairy that I was. If you look at my older posts, you might see it somewhere - I remember writing down my frustrations. They would not do anything for me, even when it was a problem for me, and people around me noticed the change. However, against the standards of "normality" - I was "normal".

And now, as other symptoms become more prominent, my facial hair seems to lessen, or at least grow more slowly(I don't know why!). At its peak, I had to shave my "mustache" every week. Now, i can do it once a month (yay!!). However, I begin to have more skin tags! Urgh...

It is never that straight forward or easy, you see? I think, we should just focus on the problems we have, and try to tackle it as best as we can. Everyone is different. PCOS is already hard on us, so let's not make it even harder than necessary (emotionally). 


PCOS already take away so much from us (partners,  husbands, babies, opportunity to be pregnant, being stuck with this fat body and ugly hair and therefore not as pretty as we can  be blah blah blah.....). What we need is encouragements and help, not "if Victoria can be stick thin, why can't you". Since Jules Oliver is getting another baby (making it a total of 3 or 4 kids?), does that mean women with PCOS with 2 kids have lost the game?  If that is the way you think, or expect other women to think..  i think you have lost the plot!


Get inspired by others - yes! Despairing about "why can't I" when she could - No! 

PCOS symptoms improved?

It has been at about one year since I started my weight loss efforts.

Number of kgs lost? ZERO

My weight went down, and then came up again.

My consolation - I felt fitter. I am more energetic. I have seem to have less cravings for carbohydrates in the middle of the afternoon, and hair on my face seems to grow at a lower rate!!!

And surprise surprise, I had 2 "real" periods within the past 4 months - not those induced ones. In between these two periods, I had spotting for a few days. I hope that means my symptoms is getting slightly better?

I am so tempted to buy one of those body fat monitors to monitor my how much fat I have. I know they are inaccurate, but it at least provides some indication (and hopefully motivation!) that some of those weight I regained is due to more muscles.

I need the motivation to keep losing weight!!

The joy of diarrhea?

I have been good and hitting the salad bar- the source of low GI food. Unfortunately salad bars are not the safest place for an easily upset stomach. I have been working hard on my PCOS and weight loss

A couple of hours after lunch, I started to do the toilet runs. It was as often as every 15 minutes or so with at loose watery stools. After a while, it was just water, with hardly any solids in it! Scary?

The eerie thing was I felt secretly happy that diarrhea = I am not absorbing my calories well and might lose some weight. How bad can my determination or obsession with weight loss be???!!!

Keep the (fat) flame burning

Losing weight is hard to do, especially if you have insulin resistance. While specific advice are given to physicians to be "gentle" with their targets set for patients with diabetes mellitus, no such gentle words are available for women with PCOS. 

We still get instructions like "lose 5% of your weight, and you might get your menses to return to normal again"  or "many women become pregnant again when they lose justa few percentage of their body weight". Note - the keyword is "just" - small achievable target.  

I can hardly disagree if I did not find it so hard. To be honest, the disparity of how easy this sounds and how hard it actually is puts me off. Sometimes, it sounds like I am being mocked for failing to achieve my target. That is not being encouraging, doc! That sounds sooo patronising. 

And stop telling me about Victoria Beckham or that Mrs Oliver. I can't pop some organic strawberries whenever I want, or get a trainer to come around every morning for a work out and attend yoga classes in the evening. Like most women, I have to eat a lunch, and may get a quick snack at teat time, and then I must wait for the next meal in the evening, after a long battle with the commute or traffic to get home. 

After months of battle, and INTENSE efforts in the past two weight, i weighted myself again this morning. Gosh, still 86kg. What do I do? I just keep on trying, doc. I just keep on trying to lose weight, I know I will be successful, no matter how long it takes.

Getting the whole lot of them to slim with me

I have got lots of support to avoid the cakes.

We may plan some sort of games about the food we eat, and the champion will get a real prize - holiday at a  beach resort. we are chipping in money to get that, and we just got to set a date as teh deadline. The question is, shall we give the prize to the gal who successfully reduce the most number of pounds (unfair, said the skinnier ones), percentage of body weight (unfair, said those gym bunnies) or percentage of fat? (unfair - said those who want to keep their boobs). 

Whatever the outcome or the prize, we are all already benefitting from watching each other's plates and pulling others away from stopping by the corner shop to get some snacks. Tea time is bad time for us PCOS gals (the cravings!!), and instead of generously sharing our cakes and biscuits, we are saying no and sharing our bran flakes. 

The plan is already working!

Constant cake temptation.

The new office is a fearsome place. 

In return for the sky high rents we pay, there is a freeflow of beverages in the office. And for sake of employee benefits (we think it is actually compensation of wayyyyy below market pay), the canteen served yummy food. Too good to be true?? The icing on the cake, is the deserts are FREE.   

After one week of excitement and 2 more kg, I am in a panic state!!! There is a constant source of temptation. I no longer need to have a combination of factors (craving + money + shop nearby)to get cake into my mouth. The cakes are there, calling me everyday, whether I have a craving or not! And I had to resist them! But how do you resist when your colleagues are happying enjoying theirs and moaning with pleasure? 

Argh... i must think of something to get the girls to stop eating their cakes too !

yeah, I survived Christmas and half the winter!!

Yes, I survived the festive season. 

• Survived the constant probing questions (When are you going to have kids of your own? Are you thinking about having kids?)
• Survived the task of remembering the names of about half a dozen of little humans my friends produced over the last 12 months!!!!
• Survived buying ever more presents to these bunch of babies - damn, why are these people so productive? Shall I get some puppies and insist my friends buy my puppies presents? I will get one puppy whenever someone produce another kid.
• Survived the chocolates, cakes, and the inbuilt instinct for fattening food in this extremely cold weather. My weight stayed where it was in November! Good or bad? That, itself was a great achievement!
• Survived helping Mum surviving her problem- people asking her about her grandchildren. She has none. My dear younger brother, being ever supportive, saved me by offering to donate sperm to sperm banks all around the world if Mum feel a really strong need/responsibility/animal instint to ensure the preservation of her genetic materials by constantly nagging me to have kids. One night stands could also contribute to the achievement of that mission too. Mum shut up, of course. My brother is a darling and a genius!  Hahaaaaa
• Survived not divulging too much details to Mum about how bad my situation is, no matter how much she nags, and how it hurts. She can't help me, and can only worry about me.

February is here, and spring will soon arrive.  I really look forward to spring, but can't help realising that it only takes a few more springs before the window of opportunity is totally gone for good. Lose weight, lose weight! These are the last springs of my reproductive self.

Winter = weight gain?

The winter effect has set in and I found myself craving for carbohydrates.

Hot chocolates, crisps, chips, gosh. 

NO suprise that I put on two big Kg! It takes so much to lose, and yet only 10 days to pile on.

Amazon £5 purchase for free delivery! Time to get those books!

There is good news almost as good as a sale! Amazon.co.uk is offering FREE delivery!

It is time to get those stuff which are really good to have, but we had been putting off as we are waiting to accumulate up to £15. I do that, dont you? I feel guilty if I cannot find enough thing to buy to top up to £15 and end up paying the charges.

Now that it is free delivery for every £5, no more difficult decisions!

Here are some stuff worth buying!

PCOS - specific and GI diet books! True, it is really dreadful to have these around to remind us of teh constant uphill battle. However, it is due to this constant reminders that I finally able to finally shed 4 kg! Yes, 4 kg! That is a big achievement for me!



And to get a really good work out this winter, what is better than yoga? I used to be put off with the idea of doing yoga because of my old injuries, and also because I was 87 kg! However, now I am hooked! I think a short session a day - sometimes just 5 minutes of stretch keep me focused on my weight loss programme. When there is some flab preventing you from doing the asanas (poses), it is a good reminder to LOSE IT! And I dont mind another yoga mat, so that i can stretch even in the living room!

Lost more weight!

Ladies and gentlemen, 

I am please to announce that I am now a featherweight 84 kg! Ahem! I finally hit the elusive 84 kg on the scale. 

84 kg !!

It must be the period. I must have lost almost 1 kg of blood and tissue because of it. 

When this weight loss plan started in February, I hoped to be 84 kg in 3 months. Ie, I hoped to be 84 kg by the beginning of June. Now I am 84 kg at the beginning of October. It took 4 more months than I had expected! That makes it 3 kg in 7 months!!! Sigh.. and now that winter is here..

Winter = weigh gain for most women. When it is cold outside, what is more comforting and cosy than hiding in the duvet with a cup of hot chocolate? A a glass of hot chocolate or milk seemed to be the perfect way to keep warm? No!!!

I got to keep losing weight! At least I have to maintain it during autumn/winter! 

Who are the celebrities with PCOS? Part 2

Don't tell me you came here because you were finding information on celebrities with PCOS.


Since starting this blog, I took the occasional peep at the counter and never failed to find people coming here because they were looking for information about celebrities with PCOS. Celebrities rumoured to have PCOs include:

• Victoria Beckham 
• Jules Oliver 
• Susan Boyle

and a few others. Yes, Victoria Beckam aka Posh Spice, the lighter than feather mum of a few kids.


I guess it is normal. I did that too. Googling for celebs with PCOS. I guess I did not want to feel alone, and hopelessly fat and ugly. If celebs have PCOS, hmm, I might see a Cyster who is thin, and perhaps even very "productive"?


To confess, I dont only look out for celebs. Sometimes I look at photos and think.. "hmm.. I think she has it. I do that on trains too.


I do that in the office, of course! I can tell which of my colleagues definitely has PCOS.
How?


1) skin - dead give away - pimples and tiny "hairs"
2) what they eat & how much they exercise vs what they weight
3) that 4 o'clock dash "to make tea/coffee" 0r "grab a cookie"
4) where the weight piles on, despite the diet, and the gym. If you notice that they pile on weight around the middle once they "slack" for 1-2 weeks...


Anyway. I have found an "idol" now. My colleague who never fails to "go for a walk" during lunch, eat only salads/sushi for lunch, goes to gym after work "a couple of times a week". She has a body to die for, and good skin. She is MY MOTIVATION. A look at her and I stop myself from grabbing that biscuit at 4pm!


October2011
p/s: This colleague indeed has PCOS, and she now has a 4 month old lovely baby girl after a long try.

Another two weeks of weight loss

Nope.. no progress, i am afraid. In fact, the weight is up. Grrrrr...

That means, I have to cut down further my calorie intake. At this moment, I am averaging about 1500-2000kcal, and walk an average of 4 miles per day, on top of about 1/2 hour of yoga and my rowing machine work.

That basically means a lot more work to do. I have to increase it to 5 miles now. Luckily it is summer and if the weather is good, it is not too difficult. 1 mile to work, 1 mile to walk home (short route), 2 miles (longer route), and now this is the important part:

how to increase my lunch time walk from 1 mile to 2?
1) walk faster
2) take longer lunch!

And I have to make sure i lose weight because:
1) a sweet man offered me his seat (thinking I was pregnant)
2) i want nice cheap clothes!
3) those designers dont do size XXXL sizes anyway
4) Being fat put me at risk of having venous insufficiency, ie poor blood flow in my legs. That inturn expose me to varicose veins.
5) I have never worn a bikini and I wanna wear one.

with these 5 vain reasons.. I might have stronger will power!