Who are you going to compare yourself against, huh???

Thanks for your comments in my post about celebrities with PCOS. 

Perhaps we should think whether it is fair and sensible to set a standard of what is "normal" and what is not for women with PCOS?

PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a syndrome. That is what it is. It is a "collection" of signs and symptoms, and different women may experience different signs and symptoms of PCOS. On the more extreme end, you probably have everything "listed". I have almost everything now. Does that make me the "perfect" PCOS woman? Are you going to aim to have all my symptoms to be properly PCOS-ed? I did not have all these symptoms last time....and you don't have to have all of them to join the Victoria Beckam club.

My weight was normal when my periods became irregular. Within two years, my weight crept up really quickly and weight control became a big struggle. (In other words, stop telling me I made myself fat and therefore I deserve this PCOS, ok??)


Someone pointed out that  losing weight can be done, and she did it! The rest of us should stop our excuses. 


Right, sometimes I do use that as a convenient "excuse", especially when my weight remains the same after weeks of hard work and watching everything I eat carefully. How else am I going to cope with that?


Just because you could do it, it does not mean others can achieve the same results doing exactly the same as you did. Also, not everyone has the same amount of "resources" to lose weight! For a start, I have no soda or junk food to cut out from my diet - honest. The gym had been too expensive for me. Going low carb and high protein? Fine. How many people can afford another piece of pure lean chicken breast to replace that piece of bread or potato in these trying economic times?


Before I had PCOS, I had put on weight when I had injuries, but those would go off with "sensible diets" and exercise. I am not kidding or finding excuses when I say I find it hard now. I don't deny that I am faultless. It is just more difficult - you have to be even more disciplined and watch what you eat even more mercilessly. I have to keep on reducing my intake and keep on increasing my exercise and watch for the "occasional slip-ups". There are more cravings to fight. It is not an impossible job, but it is a big struggle. It is like climbing up a slippery slope - you have to hang on and keep moving or you will go straight down. See what I mean?

Even when my periods were irregular, my scans showed all the cysts and I ballooned; I still did not have the hair problem. I only began to notice more hair growth some time after that, but my doctors would still dismiss them simply because many other "normal" women are more hairy that I was. If you look at my older posts, you might see it somewhere - I remember writing down my frustrations. They would not do anything for me, even when it was a problem for me, and people around me noticed the change. However, against the standards of "normality" - I was "normal".

And now, as other symptoms become more prominent, my facial hair seems to lessen, or at least grow more slowly(I don't know why!). At its peak, I had to shave my "mustache" every week. Now, i can do it once a month (yay!!). However, I begin to have more skin tags! Urgh...

It is never that straight forward or easy, you see? I think, we should just focus on the problems we have, and try to tackle it as best as we can. Everyone is different. PCOS is already hard on us, so let's not make it even harder than necessary (emotionally). 


PCOS already take away so much from us (partners,  husbands, babies, opportunity to be pregnant, being stuck with this fat body and ugly hair and therefore not as pretty as we can  be blah blah blah.....). What we need is encouragements and help, not "if Victoria can be stick thin, why can't you". Since Jules Oliver is getting another baby (making it a total of 3 or 4 kids?), does that mean women with PCOS with 2 kids have lost the game?  If that is the way you think, or expect other women to think..  i think you have lost the plot!


Get inspired by others - yes! Despairing about "why can't I" when she could - No! 

Small piece of good news?

My "period" is here. Very very scanty. Just a few blobs here and there. Just enough to fill a panty liner or two.

Exactly two weeks ago, I felt "fertile". I was joking with hubby that I thought I was "fertile" but was probably imagining  things. The discharges, the tender breasts.  That happened about 2 weeks after i had some "spotting".

Is this a sign that things are on the way back to "normal"? I certainly hope so! I feel so motivated. I have never been so happy to see blood. But to see it exactly 14 days after feeling "fertile" got to be a good sign? My period had been drastically irregular for the past 5 years!

Things I need to do before getting pregnant

Start              Action
15-Mar           Pap smear

15-Mar           Start folic acid supplement

01-Apr           Lose 10% weight by sept

01-Apr           Do basal thermometer charting

01-May           weight loss check: > 2 kg?

01-May          Use ovulation test strips

01-May          Reduce coffee to 1 cup/day

01-May          Do pregnancy test monthly

31-May          weight loss: > 4 kg?

30-Jun           Weight loss: >6 kg?

31-Jul           Weight loss: >7 kg?

31-Aug          Weight loss: > 8 kg?

30-Sep          See fertility specialist

31-Oct           Consider injections

31-Dec           Request IVF

I am scared....

I have been feeling really scared.  Time is running out. 

For so many reasons (chiefly - lack of $$$ and job instability), I have not been putting my thoughts into action. To be honest, I did not feel really ready to have a baby. Insecurity. Credit crunch. Oh well...

 I guess I need to do things to get my body ready, and have a list of things to do before getting pregnant! STrat a list of things to do? Time to put some project management skills to good use : )

Pregnant? No!

Since the very 1st week of 2010, there is not a week going by where I don't get a gentle reminder that I am not getting any younger and should start a family etc. On the conscious level, I don't think I have let any of these pressured me or something. I am now an expert in dodging the "when are you having a baby" question, usually with something quite witty. I suspect that is my downfall -even my male colleagues are joining in the teasing and the fun. I know everyone meant well - I have not mentioned that I have PCOS to anyone, so I guess they are all thinking that I am simply having too much fun.

But I guess all these add to my stress level?  When I took a flight which was just a little bit turbulent, I had the sick bag stuck to my mouth for a few hours. I did not vomit, but the nausea was probably worse than actually puking everything out. Then, I got a few bouts of gastroenteritis - I was nauseous, and lost appetite. The aroma of some of my favourite food would make me sick. Taking the train made me nauseous. Taking the bus was unthinkable. I had so much heart burn and indigestion, that I slept very poorly. My mood was terrible. People around me joked that I was pregnant. My instinct told me I wasn't - and I spent a few days thinking "to test or not to test". I somehow felt stupid testing it - I knew all I had was gastroenteritis - the stomach bug was hitting everyone around me.

At the end, I bought a pregnancy test stick, and tested (these are expensive from the pharmacy!). Answer? Negative! To be honest, I was really relieved. I had been having lots of coffee lately, had a few drinks, and still too overweight. It hit me hard that although I have been hoping to get pregnant, I had not worked my body into a shape ready for "optimal" pregnancy - if there is such a thing. Where is my preconception care? Where is the folic acid? Where is the iron will (and also the iron pills - sorry for the pun, cant help it :)) to lose a few pounds so that my baby would have a less risk of getting diabetes and cardiovascular late in life?

Hmmmm... guilty guilty guilty