Since the very 1st week of 2010, there is not a week going by where I don't get a gentle reminder that I am not getting any younger and should start a family etc. On the conscious level, I don't think I have let any of these pressured me or something. I am now an expert in dodging the "when are you having a baby" question, usually with something quite witty. I suspect that is my downfall -even my male colleagues are joining in the teasing and the fun. I know everyone meant well - I have not mentioned that I have PCOS to anyone, so I guess they are all thinking that I am simply having too much fun.
But I guess all these add to my stress level? When I took a flight which was just a little bit turbulent, I had the sick bag stuck to my mouth for a few hours. I did not vomit, but the nausea was probably worse than actually puking everything out. Then, I got a few bouts of gastroenteritis - I was nauseous, and lost appetite. The aroma of some of my favourite food would make me sick. Taking the train made me nauseous. Taking the bus was unthinkable. I had so much heart burn and indigestion, that I slept very poorly. My mood was terrible. People around me joked that I was pregnant. My instinct told me I wasn't - and I spent a few days thinking "to test or not to test". I somehow felt stupid testing it - I knew all I had was gastroenteritis - the stomach bug was hitting everyone around me.
At the end, I bought a pregnancy test stick, and tested (these are expensive from the pharmacy!). Answer? Negative! To be honest, I was really relieved. I had been having lots of coffee lately, had a few drinks, and still too overweight. It hit me hard that although I have been hoping to get pregnant, I had not worked my body into a shape ready for "optimal" pregnancy - if there is such a thing. Where is my preconception care? Where is the folic acid? Where is the iron will (and also the iron pills - sorry for the pun, cant help it :)) to lose a few pounds so that my baby would have a less risk of getting diabetes and cardiovascular late in life?
Hmmmm... guilty guilty guilty
2 comments:
i know the feeling of people making comments about 'when' and 'if'. every little comment seems to make people jump to the conclusion that i'm pregnant. Just yesterday I had a medical appointment and the receptionist at work was smirking as though she knows i'm pregnant. And i'm not.
I've started buying pregnancy tests in bulk because its cheaper than buying them individually from the pharmacy. Just for those moments when i have some sort of doubt, usually planted by colleagues making assumptions.
Good luck with your plans
Yes, it is a difficult to describe feeling. Annoyed? No. Nervous? No.
It is just a funny feeling that hits hard at you, especially if you know it is so hard for you to get pregnant! It is quite a cruel joke, sometimes.
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