Some of us want to have children, but not able to or have never found the right person to have. Some of us never wanted children. Still, we are childless.
Have you ever feel that is something against you? That there is a stigma against childlessness?
From my personal experience and what I have read, this is what you might be experiencing, if you are childless:
Any surprise that studies show our health may not be that great? http://jezebel.com/5862634/stigma-against-childlessness-could-hurt-womens-health. The stigma for voluntary childlessness is high, and the BBC has some interesting report http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-10786279 about women who are childless voluntarily ( aka they choose not to have children). Just look at those comments! For me, it is a matter of I didn't have the chance when I could and now I am having difficulties. But whatever the reason for childlessness, it is nothing to do with anyone else. Society should just stop looking at this as some sort of anomaly.
Have you ever feel that is something against you? That there is a stigma against childlessness?
From my personal experience and what I have read, this is what you might be experiencing, if you are childless:
- In your late twenties, you are expected to 'work on it'. Otherwise you are just some selfish creature who put your own needs above that of others. You can't commit. Probably immature, but there is some hope for you. People let you off.
- In your early thirties, your career status plays a big part on how your "situation" is "interpreted", "analysed", "contextualised". Damned if you are successful ("self-centred career woman") and if you are not "successful" (i.e. important sounding job or making big bucks) , your partner and you have probably not got it yet. Anyway, time is running out. Employers may watch you - "high maternity leave risk".
- In your late thirties, it is official. You don't want kids. Selfish people. You just don't get it, what it is like to be a parent. Parents have responsibilities need work life balance, should be understood if they need to take time off, can't stay late etc. the last sentence sounds like a rant or a discrimination against mum in the work place isn't it? Turn that around a bit and it is what you get, childless, in an work environment with mostly women with kids.
- In your forties, hmmm I haven't reach there yet, but I remember how some of my teachers were interpreted. That was of course, a long time ago, but I remember strict childless teachers were seen as "mean", "cos they don't like kids". As an adult, I see difficult women managers branded as all sorts if they are single or childless, but viewed more sympathetically ( at least by the women who are mothers). I have seen examples of very similar style of managing, but one woman got away with it much easily - because she is "understanding" about having kids. Of course she understands, she goes home early, and push the work to people without kids ( who happened to be minorities in that office!)
In the work place, while the many companies try to talk about supporting "families" and "work life balance" (well, at least on paper or on their PR website), it may be a raw year for the single and childless. Heard of these?
- Need the late shift? Sorry, Johnny's nanny need to leave at six and his daddy is not in. Could you stay?
- Annual leave during school holidays? We need to take turns yeah? We still need some cover in August (or summer, or any nice time of the year), any volunteers to stay behind. Then you get the "I do love to but the kids...", and if you are not careful, if will start to look "mean" that you have not "volunteered".
- The work days between Christmas and new year (and this is my personal experience). "Urgent work is needed", but really, that could actually wait till 2nd January if everyone comes back at that time . Guess who don't have kids who will get disappointed? The three of us, childless thirties and forties, even though we were not the "main" people on the project. The project manager was off skiing with her kids, who had been looking forward to the trip!
- Taking time one or two days a month, at about the same time? IVF? TTC? Speculations! Peopl will watch for the bump or expect mood swings!
Any surprise that studies show our health may not be that great? http://jezebel.com/5862634/stigma-against-childlessness-could-hurt-womens-health. The stigma for voluntary childlessness is high, and the BBC has some interesting report http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-10786279 about women who are childless voluntarily ( aka they choose not to have children). Just look at those comments! For me, it is a matter of I didn't have the chance when I could and now I am having difficulties. But whatever the reason for childlessness, it is nothing to do with anyone else. Society should just stop looking at this as some sort of anomaly.
