It is winter but I have got blubber!

It is (almost) winter, and it gets dark so early and so quickly. The mornings and chilly, and the evenings are bleak....After all, I am  just human, and I am a mammal. Like the polar bears, I fatten myself up in the autumn and then go into the hibernation.

That sounds like a normal complain about the weather, but it is is a hidden message telling you why I am not exercising. For the past few days, we girls gather around the mini cafeteria, dip our hands into the cookie jars and moan about it. What a perfect excuse to eat and not work out!

It is so easy to get carried away. As long as I stay away from the weighing scale, it is difficult to tell if I put on more weight, under the thick layers of winter clothings. Yes, it is winter, but I have got blubber. I can still go out and walk as long as it is not snowing. It is cold, yes, but the cold may burn extra calories for me!  My only excuse is the lack of a proper jacket for walks in the winter, but that is now solved with my latest online spree.

That winter jacket looks lovely, and would be perfect for walks. I think i should stop this habit..If I shop, i should head to the stores!

Finding courage and more knowledge

I thought I have read everything I can about PCOS and I just realised that I did not! I have been trying to find out as much information about PCOS as possible. 


Since it is Friday, I  had a shopping trip to Amazon ( & Amazon is giving away free delivery!) and out of curiousity, searched for PCOS book and chose the "Best seller" link. To my surprise, Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement and Reproductive Wealth turned out to be the best seller!  I have always thought that it is the The Ultimate PCOS Handbook!

This book has 215 reviews and 202 out of 215 (94%) was 5 stars!  I ordered it straight away!  The reviews on this page is worth a read. There are so many women who claimed that after reading this book, they got pregnant or start ovulating again. Wow, sounds like a fertility goddess rather than a book to me. PCOS info I must know!


(In contrast, The Ultimate PCOS Handbook: Lose Weight, Boost Fertility, Clear Skin and Restore Self-esteem, one of the supposedly best sellers, only had 12 reviews!)

Asking for help about infertility is difficult!

I am still delaying making an appointment with the doctor.


It is really weird. I feel as if I do not deserve to ask for help. How will I answer if he asks me "what have you tried"? That will invariably come down to eating less, exercising more --- weight loss.


Sigh... tried as hard as I could, but I have nothing to show. I feel like a naughty school kid who have not done my homework. Going to school and facing the music is gonna be hard. Aww


I know time is running out. I know. The longer I take to get help, the less time I have to conceive.


Am I alone? How many women with PCOS would delay asking help because they feel too embarassed, they do not deserve it, or because they put their hands into the cookie jar last night?

Facing the truth - talking to doctor about infertility

I feel like the proverbial "fat and lazy woman" with PCOS.  I wanted to speak to my doctor about trying to conceive. I know my time is running out and I need help as soon as possible.


But alas! I have been delaying this for 3 weeks. I had a million excuses for not picking up the phone to make an appointment. This ranged from I did not feel too well, to being busy at work to the lamest of all - my doctor is probably busy dealing with that H1N1 virus aka swine flu.


Beneath all these excuses, I know the real reason is - because it is scary. It is equivalent to dragging yourself to the doctor with a white flag, a surrender. It means I am admitting I have failed and need help. Now that needs a bit of "pep" talk to myself.


But how did other women do it? DId they happily hopped or skipped over to their docs and declared "I am infertile. Help me!"???

Pssst the Victoria Beckham diet of sashimi & strawberry?

The latest rumours say Posh eats only sashimi (raw fish, think high omega 3 fatty acids, good for appetite suppression and prevent inflammation) and strawberries (high vitamins and antioxidants)...

Aww!! Those are my favourites. I can survive on that diet for a month, I think. Unfortunately my bank account won't.

She is a rich celebrity with PCOS, I am not. NO easy way out for me. Back to the long brisk walks!

PCOS symptoms improved?

It has been at about one year since I started my weight loss efforts.

Number of kgs lost? ZERO

My weight went down, and then came up again.

My consolation - I felt fitter. I am more energetic. I have seem to have less cravings for carbohydrates in the middle of the afternoon, and hair on my face seems to grow at a lower rate!!!

And surprise surprise, I had 2 "real" periods within the past 4 months - not those induced ones. In between these two periods, I had spotting for a few days. I hope that means my symptoms is getting slightly better?

I am so tempted to buy one of those body fat monitors to monitor my how much fat I have. I know they are inaccurate, but it at least provides some indication (and hopefully motivation!) that some of those weight I regained is due to more muscles.

I need the motivation to keep losing weight!!

Almost perverted conversation about losing weight

I call it perverted. What else would you call it? A group of women planning their next holiday, and the main topic of discussion was how bad the diarrhea can be or how awful the food was?

Apparently, that are now good points. 

If you get a place with bad diarrhea and terrible food, weight losss is guaranteed. Alternatively, high altitude or fervent walking/hiking are also good things. When you have altitude sickness, you feel nauseous - and you can't eat. And if you are nauseous and hate the food (think yak meat??), you are on a crash diet. And you think you can cheer yourself up with chocolates? No way, at most you can get is a bottle of Coke  in the region.Combine that with no real transport other than your two fat legs - heaven.  And yes, heaven would be near if you are in Tibet in a hiking holiday, or Machu Picu.

This is the top weight losing holiday destination - (they key to sucess is to chose the cheapest package you can lay your hands on)

1) Tibet

2) Machu Pichu

3) Eygypt

4) India (Bump this up the list if you cant eat hot food at all)

For Tibet, a few people or their friends lost 6-8 kg from constant walking and no apetite in 10 =14 day trip. Similar case for Machu Picu

For Eyqpt, you could lose 3 -5 kg a week, if go cheap and WALK more.

For India, the example was stay a month and you might be 10-20 kg cheaper. It goes to bottom of that list because some people did not lose any weight on short trips (and possibly good hotels)

The joy of diarrhea?

I have been good and hitting the salad bar- the source of low GI food. Unfortunately salad bars are not the safest place for an easily upset stomach. I have been working hard on my PCOS and weight loss

A couple of hours after lunch, I started to do the toilet runs. It was as often as every 15 minutes or so with at loose watery stools. After a while, it was just water, with hardly any solids in it! Scary?

The eerie thing was I felt secretly happy that diarrhea = I am not absorbing my calories well and might lose some weight. How bad can my determination or obsession with weight loss be???!!!

PCOS motivation videos on youtube

There are so many videos from brave PCOS women on Youtube - so many that it shocked me. 
It is a consolation for people like me. Someone else is going through the same journey as me, and they are working as hard as I am. A sign that PCOS is climbing out of the closet?

This lady with PCOS has the kind of body shape I had, before it got worse. That belly! She is brave. good luck to her!

Keep the (fat) flame burning

Losing weight is hard to do, especially if you have insulin resistance. While specific advice are given to physicians to be "gentle" with their targets set for patients with diabetes mellitus, no such gentle words are available for women with PCOS. 

We still get instructions like "lose 5% of your weight, and you might get your menses to return to normal again"  or "many women become pregnant again when they lose justa few percentage of their body weight". Note - the keyword is "just" - small achievable target.  

I can hardly disagree if I did not find it so hard. To be honest, the disparity of how easy this sounds and how hard it actually is puts me off. Sometimes, it sounds like I am being mocked for failing to achieve my target. That is not being encouraging, doc! That sounds sooo patronising. 

And stop telling me about Victoria Beckham or that Mrs Oliver. I can't pop some organic strawberries whenever I want, or get a trainer to come around every morning for a work out and attend yoga classes in the evening. Like most women, I have to eat a lunch, and may get a quick snack at teat time, and then I must wait for the next meal in the evening, after a long battle with the commute or traffic to get home. 

After months of battle, and INTENSE efforts in the past two weight, i weighted myself again this morning. Gosh, still 86kg. What do I do? I just keep on trying, doc. I just keep on trying to lose weight, I know I will be successful, no matter how long it takes.

Getting the whole lot of them to slim with me

I have got lots of support to avoid the cakes.

We may plan some sort of games about the food we eat, and the champion will get a real prize - holiday at a  beach resort. we are chipping in money to get that, and we just got to set a date as teh deadline. The question is, shall we give the prize to the gal who successfully reduce the most number of pounds (unfair, said the skinnier ones), percentage of body weight (unfair, said those gym bunnies) or percentage of fat? (unfair - said those who want to keep their boobs). 

Whatever the outcome or the prize, we are all already benefitting from watching each other's plates and pulling others away from stopping by the corner shop to get some snacks. Tea time is bad time for us PCOS gals (the cravings!!), and instead of generously sharing our cakes and biscuits, we are saying no and sharing our bran flakes. 

The plan is already working!

Constant cake temptation.

The new office is a fearsome place. 

In return for the sky high rents we pay, there is a freeflow of beverages in the office. And for sake of employee benefits (we think it is actually compensation of wayyyyy below market pay), the canteen served yummy food. Too good to be true?? The icing on the cake, is the deserts are FREE.   

After one week of excitement and 2 more kg, I am in a panic state!!! There is a constant source of temptation. I no longer need to have a combination of factors (craving + money + shop nearby)to get cake into my mouth. The cakes are there, calling me everyday, whether I have a craving or not! And I had to resist them! But how do you resist when your colleagues are happying enjoying theirs and moaning with pleasure? 

Argh... i must think of something to get the girls to stop eating their cakes too !

Another celebrity with PCOS - Susan Boyle?

Have you seen Susan Boyle?

When I first saw the clip, two like many people, may eyes became watery.
I almost thought that the lyrics were written just for her. Something about how she sang the song made me feel that, especially when she sang the opening

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high,

And life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid

When dreams were made and used....

As I looked at her clips more closely, and she sang......

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seems

Now life has killed

The dream I dreamed.

I thought she sang for herself and also for me... I have a picture of myself 10 years down the road. Susan Boyle, do you have PCOS?Have you been offered something for that hairiness?

"Hairy Angel" is a very unkind way of describing her. How many woman's life will end up to be totally different from what they dreamed life would be because of a PCOS?

Good bye, Goody

A young woman lost to cervical cancer. A mother of two, desperate to provide a better future for her young sons. 

Are things getting better?

I have not shaved, or applied any of those cream on the area near my upper lips for a few months.  Those hair on my legs and hands seems to grow more slowly too? Are things getting better, or am I getting oblivious to all these things? 

My menses was here last week. Really heavy. Very tired, but I was actually happy. Can you believe it? Happy that my menses were here despite the pain? I can remember how I used to wish that I will never have another menstruation when I was younger, and things were normal. How many girls out there wish their monthly sign of womanhood away?

The effect of hormone is really significant. During that week, I was hungry all the time. And then, I had no apetite at all. These few days, I am having a really strong craving for sugar and carbohydrate. Sigh. I am really worried about my weight not.

yeah, I survived Christmas and half the winter!!

Yes, I survived the festive season. 

• Survived the constant probing questions (When are you going to have kids of your own? Are you thinking about having kids?)
• Survived the task of remembering the names of about half a dozen of little humans my friends produced over the last 12 months!!!!
• Survived buying ever more presents to these bunch of babies - damn, why are these people so productive? Shall I get some puppies and insist my friends buy my puppies presents? I will get one puppy whenever someone produce another kid.
• Survived the chocolates, cakes, and the inbuilt instinct for fattening food in this extremely cold weather. My weight stayed where it was in November! Good or bad? That, itself was a great achievement!
• Survived helping Mum surviving her problem- people asking her about her grandchildren. She has none. My dear younger brother, being ever supportive, saved me by offering to donate sperm to sperm banks all around the world if Mum feel a really strong need/responsibility/animal instint to ensure the preservation of her genetic materials by constantly nagging me to have kids. One night stands could also contribute to the achievement of that mission too. Mum shut up, of course. My brother is a darling and a genius!  Hahaaaaa
• Survived not divulging too much details to Mum about how bad my situation is, no matter how much she nags, and how it hurts. She can't help me, and can only worry about me.

February is here, and spring will soon arrive.  I really look forward to spring, but can't help realising that it only takes a few more springs before the window of opportunity is totally gone for good. Lose weight, lose weight! These are the last springs of my reproductive self.